Quote of the month: "Did Chuck Norris need a reference? You either KNOW or you WILL know!" --Me
I think maybe I'm a little too aggressive in my heart sometimes. I'm often ready at a moment's notice to give someone a piece of my mind...
Or maybe I just like to pretend I'm tougher than I really am.
I go from thinking I really want to hurt some people (especially when they hurt my family) to feeling completely broken (that's when I put up the front).
My husband was laid off last week: for the second time this year. It's a difficult thing to stomach--especially because he doesn't deserve it. Seriously, we have both been physically ill from it. We are past the point of asking ourselves the "why" questions: (Why do bad things continue to happen to us? Why does God allow them to happen? Why do nice guys finish last? And why do we feel like we have always received the short end of the stick?).
We've moved on to: "Really, God? Really!?"
Depression, anxiety, shame...they're all too common for him in the past few years & it breaks my heart. I married a good man. A REALLY good man. He's a hard worker...and he works ONLY because he wants to provide for his family. He does it even when he doesn't want to. He does stinky jobs because they'll pay the bills. He even does the right thing by the people he works with even when they don't deserve it. He's also the most loyal person I've ever known. Loyal to his family, his friends, and his bosses. I admit, sometimes it baffles me: when others would get to the point of burning a bridge he continues to hope for the best. I honestly cannot understand why he continues to get treated so badly at work. And I absolutely hate that he feels like a failure.
I have been learning that stress & anger are choices. But boy is it hard not to choose them when stuff like this happens. I know eventually we will be given another opportunity for income and renewed hope. But right now it's a really big struggle. We mostly worry about our kids: we want to be sure they'll have enough to eat and can visit the doctor if/when they need to.
I'm trying to remain hopeful. I go to MOPS & Bible study where I am surrounded & loved by some of the most supportive, beautiful women. They have prayed for me, given generously & unexpectedly to me and given me a place to feel comfortable & safe-- it is a welcome break from life's recent let-down. I am so thankful for those women. I am thankful, also, for my parents, who not only buy most of our groceries, diapers & clothing, but provide counsel...and childcare! And I am also thankful for our friends who have given my husband a few side jobs this week.
I'm going to try to memorize more verses & repeat them throughout my day. I think that'll help my attitude...and probably keep some people from "KNOW"ing more about me! :-)
2 comments:
Allie: So sorry to hear of this time of struggle for your family. Ask God to continually remind your spirit that He is in control. Although we often do not understand His timing and the way He works, He is continuously working behind the scenes to eventually direct us to the exact place at exact time that fits into His plan. I wish I had more clear advice, but this truth is all that I know to share. I've seen it manifest in my own life countless times. XO
I'm sorry Dave got laid off :*( but I can completely sympathize with you guys about having it unfairly rough. Todd and I are keeping you guys in our prayers daily and know that you are not alone when just throwing up your hands and saying ok God what are you gonna do next cause it's not funny anymore! If you ever need to talk you are always welcome to call on me...let's try to have lunch or coffee sometime soon :) this past friday we found out that we won our law suit that was filed against todd and this was what I read in the Bible the night before because one of my sister in Christ said read Philippians hope it brings you some sort of peace just for right now. love you guys! and blessings to you!
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4: 4-13
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