People of Character

I've been thinking a lot lately (dangerous, I know) about the part I play in shaping and molding the character and personality of each of my kids: specifically what they are learning by means of observation.
I can already see how the things I do and say are affecting my kids, how they mimic my behavior (whether or not it's good, and whether or not they copy it on purpose), and especially my tone of voice. I've been taking extra care to catch and correct behaviors and thoughts I have that I don't also want them to have.
I have been watching other parents recently, too; observing their character flaws and the ways their children copy them. I am now frighteningly aware of how young a child can be when they start to display purposeful negative behavior (i.e. lying, cheating, putting others down)!
As a result, I've come up with a list of things I hope I DON'T teach my kids by accident (a non-wishlist of sorts). Some of these are things I've done in the past or have caught myself being tempted to do in recent months and some of them are things I've watched other parents or kids do. I have also begun a list of things I hope my kids DO learn from me or develop despite being exposed to my flaws.

Here's a glimpse of the lists:

I hope my children do not...

• sneak/ act deceitfully (essentially: lie), or put themselves in a situation where they might have to
• try to make other people feel bad/ dumb so they can feel better about themselves
• twist or try to minimize the importance of what the Bible says in order to get what they want
• break their promises or back out on their commitments
• cultivate laziness
• try to get away with being rude or not using manners in their efforts to achieve a goal
• develop a desire to please others instead of trying to please God
• display competitiveness to the extent it puts others off or gives others a bad perception of them
• allow negative attitudes and thoughts to last long or affect the way they communicate
• act as though their lives are about figuring out what they want to do instead of knowing it's all about Jesus first

I hope my children...

• are thoughtful beyond reason/ anticipate the needs of others and act upon them when reasonable
• treat others with respect/ help preserve the dignity of others
• choose honesty in all situations-- even if it means dealing with undesirable consequences
• develop a strong intuition in order to discern right from wrong-- and follow it
• develop the ability to shake off hurtful and negative things others say to or about them
• have a desire to be people of integrity
• are mindful of how their actions and words can make others feel, and the perception it can give others of the type of people they are
• are the kind of friends their friends know they can't count on to help, to encourage, and to keep them accountable
• develop the desire and ability to "make it happen" when it comes to their goals
• read the Bible consistently

A few verses that have influenced all of this: Psalm 139:23-24 & Jeremiah 17:9-10

A Pregnant Lady's Plea

I'd like to make [what I think is] a reasonable request:

If you or one of your children has been sick within the last 48 hours please, PLEASE stay home!

Let me clarify to avoid any confusion:

By sick I mean: thrown up, had a fever over 99.0, had a stuffy, runny, or sniffly nose (regardless of color), or exhibited any type of rash.

By 48 hours I mean: 48 HOURS, aka TWO ENTIRE DAYS (starting from the time ALL of the symptoms disappeared completely).

By stay home I mean: DO NOT come to or drop your other children off at places where we normally meet, i.e. my house, Bible study, Church/Sunday School, Small Group, School/PreSchool, our Co-0p, Gymnastics, Swim Lessons/Practice, or any other sporting event, youth group, or group meeting.

As a pregnant woman my immune system is already weakened. Your (or your child's) presence compromises my health. Your (or your child's) presence around any of my children compromises my health as they will inevitably bring home the germs you have chosen to spread. The germs you carry (remember you are contagious before you exhibit symptoms (say, if you've been around one of your sick children) and for days after your symptoms are gone) WILL affect me. Your presence pretty much guarantees I will get sick.

Believe me when I say I know how difficult it is to be sick or to have sick children. Being cooped up in the house for days is frustrating, and I understand your desire to just get out of the house. But, please, be more courteous. Stay home.

What may be a small cold to you or one of your kids will most likely turn into something more serious for me. In this pregnancy I've contracted three head colds. One turned into a sinus infection, one into a double ear infection, and one into bronchitis...All because one person chose to come to one of our aforementioned meeting places when they or one of their children were or had recently been sick.

Baby Update

An ultrasound right before Christmas revealed the cysts on baby's brain are gone and he's growing normally! HOORAY!! The results from the quad screen also showed the chances of the baby having a chromosomal abnormality are tiny (like a chance of 1 in thousands). We are BEYOND happy about and thankful for the continued great news.

I've been to 3 dermatologists in the last month to figure out what is causing the itchy/rashy feeling I still have. Derm #1 said it was pregnancy eczema. She recommended moisturizing and taking short, cool showers. I greased myself up with the thickest moisturizer I could find for a couple of weeks, used the steroid cream she prescribed to help with the itch, and nothing changed. Derm #2 said she didn't know, but she did a biopsy on one of the spots/bites on my leg & prescribed permethrin cream in case it was scabies or some other kind of mite biting me. The whole family had to use it. I followed the directions to the letter and obsessively cleaned every inch of my house. Everything fabric (sheets, towels, blankets, clothing...) got scorched in a hot water wash & dried on high. Everything that couldn't be washed got bagged and left alone for a week & a half (mites supposedly die after 3 days without human contact). The couch got covered in plastic & left alone for that long, too.
My skin reacted to the cream-- it broke out in a horribly painful and equally as itchy rash. Thankfully, the rest of my family had no reaction.
It's been two weeks since that last application of what I called "bug juice" and the rashy reaction to it is gone. However, the bites and extreme itchiness are back. Ugh. So frustrating!

the most recent roller coaster

The girls have been sick for almost a month: a nasty head cold that turned into ear infections for both of them. Dave caught the same cold a couple of weeks ago, then ended up with kidney stones over the weekend. That icky cold has attacked me and brought ear & sinus infections. I also got an itchy full-body rash a few weeks ago and can't find anything to relieve it.

However, those things have been the least of our worries over the past couple of days. On Monday I went in for my 20-week ultrasound. We were excited to find out the baby's gender! The ultrasound was beautiful. We're having a boy! His measurements were all on-track for his gestation, and we got to listen to his heart beating strong.

Then came the bad news: they found two soft markers for chromosomal abnormalities: CPCs (cysts, or pockets of fluid on the brain) & a single artery umbilical cord (there are normally two arteries). We panicked when the sonographer said our baby boy had a higher chance of having Down Syndrome. The office offered genetic counseling and we took it. The next day a genetic counselor explained the soft markers thoroughly and told us about the syndromes they might point to: mostly Trisomy 18, not Down Syndrome. Even scarier. We declined getting amniocentesis and left the meeting feeling very informed.

Dave was even a little encouraged. The chances of us having a perfectly healthy baby are 80-90%. But that 10-20% was still very scary. We were told to schedule a fetal echocardiogram because a single artery umbilical cord (SUA) could mean heart defects. And a baby with Trisomy 18 would mist likely have a heart defect. We scheduled that appointment for a few hours later and went to the lab for a last-chance blood test (the quad screen). When the results come back in about 10 days, they will give us a percentage rate of how likely it is that the baby has a chromosomal abnormality.

The echocardiogram reveal NO heart defects! The cardiologist said blood is flowing through the cord properly, and the baby's heart is working perfectly. He said we have nothing to worry about as far as baby's heart is concerned.

We had been told the cysts on his brain were probably nothing to be too concerned over; that they would most likely dissolve in the next couple of months. However, we have to go in for ultrasounds every 4 weeks so the Dr can monitor the baby's growth and the cysts.

We've cried so much we feel our eyes should be dry, but every time we talk about what's been going on we tear up again. We've shed sad and happy tears, tears of worry and confusion, and tears of thankfulness and relief. And while this waiting for the blood test results to come back is already feeling like an eternity, we are doing our best to focus on what we know instead of the what-ifs. If those blood test results show a percentage well below 1%, we will feel more confident that our son will be born perfectly healthy.

The next ultrasound is just before Christmas. We'll get to see our precious son again and let the Dr. check up on his growth. We are praying for great news at that appointment: that the cysts have dissolved and that he's growing normally.

Shout-Out

I've worked with & have been exposed to thousands of children in a number of different circumstances & situations. That being said, I'd like to take a moment to thank a few parents:
Thank you to all you parents who are actively involved in your children's lives. Thank you to those of you who have taught your children to have manners, to respect authority, to share, and to speak kindly to others. Thank you to those of you who do not allow your children to talk back to you, who are consistent in your discipline, and who stay on top of your child's whereabouts & behavior. Thank you for being good parents!

ESP Emporium's Customer Service (or lack thereof)

On Sun. I wrote to ESP Emporium:

I purchased a coupon to use on your website on Homerun.com yesterday. However, after I added items to my cart and tried to add the coupon code, the website gave me a page of weird script. No links, no clear explanation of what happened, just a bunch of technical-looking gobbledy-gook.
Later last night I found out that someone got a hold of my checkcard information online yesterday & used that information to purchase things on other websites. Since I didn't enter my credit card information on any others sites aside from yours yesterday, I have to assume whoever hacked my info hacked it from your website.
I'm concerned about the security of your website. I'm also concerned about my ability to use the coupon I purchased.
Can you please look into & address this issue for me?



I received this response:

Hello Allie,

We take website security VERY serious at ESP Emporium. As evident by the security banners on our site from McAfee Secure, GeoTrust and Authorize.Net. The scenario that you are describing is impossible, in order to provide us your credit information, you would have had to create a user account (it's a requirement to make a purchase, no anonymous purchases are allowed), We have explored our database and we can not find your name or email address. Before making fraudulent accusation about our website being hacked, you should first understand that we track this type of activity. We will be submitting your IP address and other information to the proper authorities and the credit card agency.

You want to track your steps further back to the REAL last place you entered your card card information instead of falsely accusing our company. Sounds like YOUR computer has been comprised, not our 256 bit encrypted (greater than industry standard), PCI compliant website.
Warm Regards,


Steve
____________________________________________________________
Steve Popec
ESP Emporium, A World of Tea
www.ESPemporium.com

A lesson in beauty

Z. received the Veggie Tales movie Sweetpea Beauty for her birthday this year. There is a short episode before the movie called Snoodlerella. It's all about how God views us vs. how the world views us. Below, I've quoted the lines the Snoodle King says to Snoodlerella near the end of the story. I think it's beautiful text & I want my daughters to grow up truly believing it.
(The king represents God, speaking to us):


I think you’re beautiful
I treasure you deeply.
You’re lovely, my child.

I think you’re beautiful- your hair & your braces,
Your glasses and clothes, your cumbersome graces,
and many more traits, which I could speak of.
There’s nothing about you I don’t truly love.
You’re kind and you’re honest. You’re funny and smart.
You’re really quite charming. You have a good heart.
...
Of course it is true, every word that I say.
Daughter, I am the king and I made you that way.
I delight in your beauty. You’re wonderfully made.
I knew you before Earth’s foundation was laid.
You’re precious to me- every hair on your head.
Daughter, hear and believe

(It’s what the king said)

Mama Bear

pet peeve: when people try to parent my kid(s) when I'm right there--especially if they try to do it while/right after I'm doing it!

My rule: if my kid is about to hurt herself & I don't see what's going on, please stop her. But if she is just doing something that annoys you, let it go & let me deal with it. If I don't see her doing something naughty, please tell me & let me discipline her. I'm her mom, it's my job & I take responsibility for my kids. In fact, it's best if you always wait to see if I'm going to step in before you try to parent my kids. I'll try to do the same for you.

I think it's important to remember that not everyone's parenting styles are the same--especially when it comes to discipline. At our house we have rules and we choose our battles. We are not, by any means, perfect parents (do those even exist?), but we've thought about, talked about, and prayed long & hard about how to raise our children. The rules we've set work for our family & we don't expect everyone else to live by them (unless they are in our home, in our care). We often reevaluate our strategies, methods, and rules & adjust as necessary.

We love our kids & are constantly aware of our responsibility to as parents to be attentive, loving, and consistent. We make our family the priority & feel it's important for our kids to know they are important-- more important than whatever's on TV, wherever we want/need to go, and whoever is on the phone. We believe our kids are not the responsibility of the school system, church, society, or even our extended family to raise: God gave them to us for a reason, and they are our blessings.

I get frustrated when friends or family treat my girls as insignificant, or as less of a priority than things that are truly insignificant... Also, when they show blatant disrespect for my girls or the boundaries they know I've set for my girls. I try to be careful about the types of people I expose my children to (people who are rude, lack manners, disrespect their elders, swear, etc), limiting time with friends or family who fall into those categories.

I admit I also have certain expectations. i.e. if you invite us over, I expect to be treated like a guest (with respect). It breaks my heart when one of my sweet kids asks why certain people didn't want to play with them, why they were ignored, or why someone said or did mean/rude things to them--ESPECIALLY when that person is an adult!

Again, I know not everyone has the same viewpoint as me... but there are such things as common courtesy, consideration, and thoughtfulness (and remembering the age of kids in the room and adjusting the conversational & other audible content appropriately).

There are often times I get frustrated with other people's children, too, but I have to remind myself I'm not their mother. I'm not responsible for their behavior. I try to give other parents a chance to do their job before I step into a situation with kids. And I desire the same respect in return.

The end.

Please vote for this.

http://www.limeadesforlearning.com/projects/view/432252


This link will take you to a website where you can vote for a class of students with Autism in Oklahoma to receive the equipment they need to be able to play inside when the weather is bad outside.

July has gone by already...

Well, school starts August 16th (yikes!). We have been VERY busy this summer (as always). Here are some pictures from the last month:

Important Info About Homeschooling & the Upcoming Election

http://journal.homefires.com/2010/05/heads-up-california-voters/

The longest process imaginable.

Well, last July we received an offer for a short sale on our house in the Central Valley, which was in the process of foreclosure... If you know anything about the foreclosure process, it can take FOREVER. So, when an offer came in we jumped on it. We sent all the necessary paperwork immediately, and got a fantastic realtor to facilitate negotiations with the lender (which had just switched from Countrywide to B of A). The bank said it would take a couple of weeks because they were so overloaded with foreclosures and short sales.

Weeks go by....we hear nothing. I call to make sure everything's going through. Oh--they LOST our paperwork. Weren't going to contact us to let us know. So I fax it in AGAIN. Wait a few more weeks.... They handed it off to a negotiating company. Again, didn't tell us we should contact that company. I call that company. They need fresh copies of our paperwork. Okay.... I send copy #3 of all the paperwork. Wait some more... and some more... meanwhile our realtor is calling DAILY, asking why it's taking so long, asking to speak with supervisors, etc.

MONTHS go by without any progress. "Waiting on a person to be assigned as the case negotiator" they said. FINALLY someone get assigned. Inspections need to be done. We send keys. They sit on the paperwork for a few more months. Oops. Inspections need to be renewed. So does the paperwork. Everything needs to be current.

There are a lot more scary, frustrating details and phone conversations that happened in the process. But, eventually, we qualified for a short sale, the offer got approved, inspections went great, and we signed the papers.

10 MONTHS after receiving the offer on the house, we close escrow on the short sale. GEEZ, B OF A!!!!

Can't Believe It's Finally Over

After MONTHS (I kid you not) of trying to get Countrywide (which turned over to B of A during our horrible, way-too-lengthy battle with them) to approve a short sale on our house, we FINALLY closed escrow. More to come on the process we were led through...

Spring Break

I have the week off work, so I've been taking the girls out for a bunch of fun:

This Month

Not a whole lot of exciting news to share. Just felt bad that I haven't posted anything this month. We've been busy with everyday events: school, sports, music, youth groups, work... and we've all taken turns being sick. Last week was the first week in two months when not one of us was sick...now D. is.

Sweetness

I know I need to put some Christmas photos up here... and I will. But we had a birthday recently & a friend from high school took the girls' pictures. I wanted to share.

Cookies & A Field Trip

It's an annual tradition for us to make & decorate cookies at my parents' house during the week of Christmas. Yesterday the girls displayed their artistic creativity with colored dough and glitter gel frosting.
We also took a trip to a local science museum yesterday. The girls loved climbing on the DNA strand and whale outside.

December

There are so many fun pictures to share! However, because I'm super cautious about posting my kids' faces online, you'll have to email me when you want to see more of an event.
This month we've gone Christmas tree shopping, decorated the house, had 2 gymnastics shows, made ornaments with friends, gone ice skating & visited a science museum!

Thanksgiving

This month we had a birthday party & celebrated Thanksgiving on 2 different ranches! The girls enjoyed horses, karaoke, tractor rides & even driving a tractor!

Oops (again)

Oh yeah....we have a blog. Oops! Okay, so obviously we haven't posted anything since Halloween. But we DID have a fabulous Thanksgiving & we are looking forward to Christmas here in a few days. I'll post some pics of the last couple of months after I post this.